Maybe

Maybe I just wanna be the guy whose cigarette choice and shopping dazzles the cashier. For I won’t be what people expect of me anymore.

Maybe the fishy purpose of buying two toilet uncloggers as an excuse to buy those same cigarettes surprises even myself.

Maybe I should’ve finished Law school and been a lawyer or an executive. And buy expensive cigars from specialized tobacco stores.

Maybe, just maybe, I could’ve not been told that I had a way of expressing myself and not seen any purpose in literature.

I could’ve been a physician, maybe. And would’ve been smoking even more ’cause every doctor smokes (a lot)

I could’ve answered those messages from a friend of mine when she needed me- but I needed me as well.

Could’ve kissed more people. Could’ve stepped onto fewer lonely roads. Could’ve written truthly about what bleeds and hurts.

And maybe, maybe I’d have a different kind of sadness. That would not bore me as much as this one.